Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
