There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
