I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
