So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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