I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
