I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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