Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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