This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
