Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
