so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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