quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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