At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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