plz talk dirty to me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
