Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
