He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
