Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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