our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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