This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
