Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize