dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
