I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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