i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
