He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I pour the whiskey from now on
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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