he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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