i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
