I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
