You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
