I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
