hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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