Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
