yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you had me at cake vodka
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
