Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
