none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
