I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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