Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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