I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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