im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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