the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
