he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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