If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
