no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
