Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
