Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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