Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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