Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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