We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
