Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
