playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
