did you get engaged???
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
