Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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