I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
