Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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