Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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