I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
