When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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