She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
