Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
