I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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