I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
