At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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