ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
