I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
