I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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