I want you more than these girls want KFC
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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