I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
