You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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