And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
