Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Drunk is a universal language darling
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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