Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
