dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
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he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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