I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
