I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
