dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
