I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
