Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
