just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
