your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
