she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
