there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
